This Side of Lost

I have done my civic duty. Please go do yours.

May righteousness prevail.

I just read online that my preferred candidate for the presidential election has decided to concede his race despite the provisional and absentee ballots in Ohio not having been counted yet. That's his choice, I suppose. But it makes for a sad day here.

I realize everybody and their cat will be posting today about this. I don't have much to say that hasn't already been said, I'm sure. Samantha and I had a pretty extended discussion over lunch about this (referencing, among other things, Atlas Shrugged -- my goodness, this woman is smart). Maybe I'm just too tired to be angry right now.

I said something in jest to her ("For the next four years, I'm just going to ignore the fact that we have a president, and attribute everything bad that happens to extremely bad luck"), but thinking about it now, maybe it's a good idea. I know nothing about politics -- I honestly don't know if anything the president, as a single entity, does has a direct effect on me. I don't know if anything I do, as a single entity, can effect the course this country as a whole takes.

This dovetails nicely into another conversation I had with Sam today, about grades and how much one should be concerned with it. How much worrying about grades or national politics is really necessary? Wouldn't my time and energy be better spent on things that I enjoy and feel to be important, like my family, my girlfriend, my friends, my music, my interests and passions?

I'm not pleased about the results of this election. But I think I have more important things to worry about.

So why do I still have this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach? Hmm...

For the most part, I've been pretty content with the content of my courses so far. (+10 points for use of homograph!) And I've run across quite a bit of stuff that's been chuckle-worthy. But none so much as this.

The idea of a patent is interesting enough in and of itself -- that you have come up with something so original that you feel a need to call the US Government on your side to protect your interests in it is cool. What other people gauge as being this important is a great source of amusement.

Case in point: Mr. Steven Olson, who I'm proud to say is from St. Paul, MN, and his patent, issued on April 9, 2002.

Yes, this is an actual US Patent, and can be located if searched for in the official patent database of the US Patent and Trademark Office. Just plug the patent number into the search interface, choosing Patent Number for your search.

As you peruse this patent (and please do -- take a look especially at the original documents -- they contain pictures), think about this. A patent needs to satisfy three requirements: it must be 1) original, 2) useful, and 3) quote-unquote "nonobvious" -- that is, it mustn't be obvious to those "learned in the art." That's the language of patenting, by the way -- those learned in the art would be experts in the particular field the patent falls into.

These additional details once again just serve to increase the hilarity of this patent, in my opinion. Not only did Mr. Olson believe that his "invention" satisfied these three qualities, but a patent reviewer for the US Government did too! Who do you suppose they talked to who was "learned in the art" that told them "Oh, no, this is definitely outside the realm of the obvious!"

Here's some more crazy patents for your perusal. The things I'm learning...

"I lost a kind of virginity last night." - Chris, regarding the election

Is how long it's been since I updated. Many apologies for this. Grad school suddenly got hard this past weekend and week. So I was pretty crunched for time. Things are slowing down a little... probably just in time to get geared up for the crunch at the end of the semester. But I'll make use of this breather to catch up.

Last weekend Samantha and I drove up to Chicago to a) buy my desk from IKEA 2) see Storyhill in concert 3) visit my uncle John and aunt Marti and 4) have fun poking around Chicago a little. It was 95% successful on all of the above. The missing 5% comes from the fact that I did not come away from IKEA with my desired desk, but the one I bought will do just as well. The Storyhill show was wonderful -- they played a lot of favorites, and some surprises -- Cecilia by Simon & Garfunkel, as well as some older tunes I've never heard live before. (For those of you who know, this is really pretty incredible for me.) John and Marti were gracious hosts as always. And fun was had, both in Chicago (puttering around Navy Pier and Millenium Park) and on the road. I was worried that my inexplicable love for driving long distances would not be shared by Samantha, but she certainly didn't mind, and perhaps might have enjoyed it as well. She was, as she has been in all things, a great companion. You cannot imagine how happy it makes me to have someone like this. Well, maybe you can.

The week so far has been as busy as the weekend was pleasurable -- which is "very." I had a collection development assignment due in Reference on Monday that took much, much longer than I anticipated it would. It got turned in on Wednesday. Whoops. A "quiz" (the teacher in me wonders how you can call 8 essay questions a quiz) in Management on Thursday, as well as all the weekly stuff, and top it off with a sore-throat-turned-runny-nose-turned-chest-cold, and I'm about done. Whew. I'm glad it's finally Friday.

And Friday is cool -- I am going to the opera again tonight. Three operas in under three months... damn, I'm cultured. And it is finally cold enough to wear either a suit coat or my dad's fantastic woolen dress coat. Very excited! This weekend should be good -- I am hoping for a little R&R time with Sam since we've spent a lot of time this week on schoolwork. I'll be sure to check back in again soon.

In other news:

• I am becoming some sort of absent-minded freak. I have lost no less than four items of fairly substantial value (>$10) in the past two weeks. Luckily (and I do mean due to purely dumb luck) I have retrieved three of them, but the umbrella is still MIA. The common joke about losing your head if it wasn't screwed on is hitting a little too close to home right now.
• We saw the Incredibles last Friday. It was (to steal a pun of startling originality from Joseph) incredible. Did anyone else out there notice the rampant Fantastic Four allusions? Also, fans of the They Might Be Giants documentary Gigantic may have recognized the voice behind the character of Violet as being Sarah Vowell. Cool!
• Johan Santana was unanimously awarded the Cy Young award for the American League this year. This was very exciting for me -- seeing a pitcher I have been watching and rooting for since 2002 exceed all expectations. The Twins have him and Brad Radke to thank in large part for their third-straight run to the playoffs this year.
• I've been using my web skillz quite a bit recently. We're in the HTML section of 401, so I've built an online resume, and am in the process of completing the second assignment, a small website "for a company or organization." I have perverted the intention of this assignment to suit my own twisted agenda -- witness the further elevation of my Storyhill nerd-dom on the web. More on the way, as Roger starts letting me get into updating the Chemistry Library webpage. Good times.
• Last week I unwittingly purchased the weirdest floss I've ever seen. I just grabbed my favorite brand off the shelf, and somehow I ended up with Reach Tartar Control. It's bizarre. It's like, woven, sort of, like a piece of yarn, but not as thick, but still kind of... hmm... I guess I can't really explain it very well. And I can't seem to find a picture of it online. It's just weird -- take my word for it.

Thanks for checking in. Peace.

The spammers invaded my weblog over the past 24 hours, posting no less than 70 prescription drug themed comments. Shoot. I don't think your anti-spam tactics were entirely successful, Steve. To try and combat this, I've closed most of my posts to comments -- I'll try leaving them open to comments for two weeks following when they are posted.

In other news:

• It's Monday again. They just ain't as bad anymore. :) The weekend was great -- I did have plenty of down time, as I had hoped. This week won't be nearly as bad as last week, but I do have the threat of final projects looming on the horizon... sigh.
• La Cenerentola was fabulous -- Samantha and I agreed it was the best of the three we've seen so far. Well-balanced voice talent, a great sense of staging and costumes, and the opera itself is just a joy to watch -- full of energy and colorful characters. What fun.
• For those of you who know me at all, this is how pervasively my relationship is having an effect on my life: I purchased running shoes yesterday. (!!!) Whether I actually use them or not remains to be seen, of course...
• Turns out that it's the middle of November. Christ the King Sunday is next Sunday, meaning Advent is just around the corner... unbelievable. It just doesn't feel like Christmas should be close yet. Although the weather is getting pleasantly cool now.
• Quote of the Week 6:
  "Have you ever had gelato? It's really rich." - Samantha
  "Rich, eh? So, does it, like, own multinational corporations?" - Me
  "<without pause> It could." - Samantha

Oof. <stretch> I need a backrub. Time to sit up straight and jump into the week... peace, friends.

I need an aviary.

"Please explain to me why, as the School of Library Science, we cannot alphabetize the professors' mailboxes." - Samantha

I don't even know what meme means. Did I use it right?

15 years ago today, I was...
1. Still confused about what was so great about girls.
2. Laying waste to some spelling tests.
3. Role-playing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on the playground.

10 years ago today, I was...
1. Reading Romeo and Juliet for the first time in 9th grade English.
2. Dreaming about Brandy Escabedo. Siiiiiigh...
3. Rehearsing for a terrible middle school play called Lagooned. I was the Witch Doctor.

5 years ago today, I was...
1. Doing my organic pre-labs and registering for second semester classes.
2. Rehearsing Vaughn-Williams' Ring Out Ye Crystal Spheres and marvelling at the new Buntrock Commons.
3. Dreaming of a farm girl 330 miles away.

3 years ago today, I was...
1. Cruising through Biochemistry and Genetics, and rehearsing with Garrison Keillor with the St. Olaf Choir.
2. Heartbroken and confused.
3. Deciding my student teaching placement and setting myself on the path for an apartment in Bloomington with Gillian and Amy. :)

1 year ago today, I was...
1. Still glowing after seeing Storyhill in Duluth.
2. Giving 120 9th graders a test on the periodic table.
3. Taking solace from my loneliness in a few friends, my choir and the far-off possibility of graduate school.

So far this year, I have...
1. Stopped being a teacher. Whew.
2. Moved to Indiana and started studying library science.
3. Found a rather wonderful young woman to share my time with.

Yesterday, I...
1. Completed two assignments in the space of 90 minutes.
2. Ate lunch outside without a jacket. I love Indiana.
3. Saw Jesus Christ Superstar!

Today, I...
1. Was bored stiff "learning" about Excel in 401.
2. Explored an area of campus I'd never been to before.
3. Had some marvelous chili made by my roommate Chris.

Tomorrow, I will...
1. Do laundry, hopefully.
2. Rehearse Bach's Mass in B minor.
3. Actually do my reading for 624. Wouldn't that be cool.

Enjoy. Pass it on.

Thanks to my mom (surprisingly) for sending me this one.

It should be noted that many of these do not stick precisely to the 5-7-5 form of haiku. Perhaps they should be titled "Pseudohaiku." But perhaps we don't really need to think about this that much -- I mean, we're looking at Transformers-based poetry, here. Let's not get too picky.

Haiku from the Transformers
by Shaun Clayton

Megatron

I am a small gun
Now I am a large robot
This makes no damn sense

Optimus Prime

I don't want to lead
I want to drive the open road
Country music, beer, yes.

Bumblebee

Stuck as a Volkswagen
I am small, weak, easily beaten
Bots call me lil' bitch

Starscream

I try take power
I scheme I plot I betray all
My parents didn't love me

Jazz

Bitchez love my style
Metal hos by the dozen
Envy of bot homeys

Grimlock

Grimlock smash smash smash
Smash smash smash smash smash smash smash
smash smash wind is nature's ennui smash smash

It's the Monday before Thanksgiving. And apparently the break has already begun. No one told me this. At St. Olaf, the campus is bustling up until Tuesday. Here at IU, a lot of people seem to be gone already. The bus was deserted this morning.

Ah well. I will be taking my leave relatively late, I guess. I'll be hitting the road as early as possible on Wednesday morning and arriving in Stillwater Wednesday night, if all goes well. My first time back in MN since August! It won't be for long, though; I plan on doing the same thing only reverse on Saturday, arriving in Bloomington Saturday evening. I think I'll need Sunday to get a start on final projects... guh.

I will have much of Friday free, though. Anyone want to call first dibs on me? :)

Highlights of the past week:

• Tuesday, seeing Jesus Christ Superstar. This production was pretty comparable to the version I saw in Minneapolis in January 2003, with the notable exception of Jesus. Instead of being played by some washed up metal band vocalist, he was played by someone actually talented. Much improved. Samantha did not really like the show itself (citing the too frantic pace and lack of characterization) but noted that Jesus was hot and the girls in tight red leather were an interesting addition to the Passion story.
• Friday, seeing Thoroughly Modern Millie (the movie, not the musical). Any fan of Julie Andrews who has not seen this is definitely missing out. Why did it take them so long to put this on Broadway?
• Saturday, having a chocolate chip pancake at the Village Deli. :) Also realizing that it's probably the first one I've ever had, after watching my older sister have about 10,000 during Perkins trips of my youth.
• Saturday, helping Samantha clean her apartment. This was more fun than I thought it would be -- especially seeing the final result. (Wouldn't Gillian be proud! :) )
• Sunday, Thanksgiving-style dinner (referring to dinner as the noon meal -- ack, some folks in NW Minnesota would smirk at this) at Pastor Kyle's house. Drove out to his house in very scenic Brown County with Carrie and David from church and met his ultra-cute Norwegian elkhound Yente. Warmed up for the main event on his wife's delicious sweet potatoes and pumpkin pie.
• Sunday, supper at the Irish Lion with Samantha and her uncles. Good food and fun conversation about her extended family. Apparently she's the sane one?

Enjoy your Thanksgiving. I have much to give thanks for this year. I hope you do too. Peace.

"My car has a huge trunk." - David Beal
"Yeah? You could fit, like, three people in there." - Me
"I had seven Mormons in there once." - David

I like making mix CDs.

"Back to life, back to reality..." This song usually echoes in my head after periods away from so-called real life. I always enjoy the reprieves from the grind that holiday breaks offer. Here's how mine went down:

• 11 hours to MN on Wednesday. Snow in northern Illinois, but not bad the rest of the way.
• Unsettlingly patriotic and right-wing Thanksgiving church service Wednesday night. God Bless America is not a Lutheran hymn.
• A very enjoyable Thanksgiving (barring one major mishap) with family. I guess it just wouldn't be a family holiday without the paramedics showing up.
• A trip to Maplewood Mall on Friday. Not as painful as you might think, and actually rather fruitful. Found what I was looking to get Samantha for Christmas. :) And no, I'm not telling what it is...
• Hung out with Joseph on Friday night. Watched Young Frankenstein ("Call it a hunch!" Bwa-ha!), went to Chevy's with Fomps and Yuri, and played an utterly insane and wonderful video game called Katamari Damacy. Good times.
• 11 hours back to Indiana on Saturday. It rained the whole. Freaking. Way.
• Did nothing productive on Sunday. But it was a fabulous day nonetheless. :) Contrary to what Matt Kuhn lead me to believe, Shrek 2 is not as funny or good as the first. Sorry, Matt.
• Quote of the Week 9: "So, it's kind of like 'fuck?'" - Samantha, in response to me trying to explain the usage of the word "Uff-da."

So now it's Monday. And I have, like, two weeks of school left. Wow. It will be busy with final projects, which I don't like of course, but actually is pretty okay in the broad scheme of things, seeing how unstressed I've been for most of the semester. First on the list: look for a popular article on nanotechnology that I was supposed to have identified two months ago. Hmm...

Happy almost December! Peace!

Today is the feast day for St. Andrew, the first-called apostle and patron saint of Scotland. I also share his name, in case you didn't notice. So happy name day to me. Here's some more info on my namesake and his feast day:

• A BBC report about the first minister of Scotland's vision for St. Andrew's Day 2005.
• More about St. Andrew from the Catholic Encyclopedia.
• A page of Christian apocrypha and early Christian literature, including the Acts of Andrew, and the Acts and Martyrdom of Andrew.
• St. Andrew's Cross is a saltire or decussate cross (x-shaped), signifying the shape of the cross he was supposedly martyred on. The Scottish national flag has this cross in white on a blue background.
• St. Andrew's Lutheran in Mahtomedi, MN was the church of my youth. I always thought it was cool that I had the same name as my church. (Special organ link for David.)

And finally, single women, take note! St. Andrew's Day holds the key to your future. Here are some "peculiar marriage-related superstitions" that have attached themselves to this day:

• An old German tradition says that single women who wish to marry should ask for Saint Andrew's help on the Eve of his feast, then sleep naked that night; they will see their future husbands in their dreams.
• Another says that young women should note the location of barking dogs on Saint Andrew's Eve: their future husbands will come from that direction.
• On the day after Andrew's feast, young people float cups in a tub; if a boy's and a girl's cup drift together and are intercepted by a cup inscribed "priest", it indicates marriage.

Oops. Looks like the good ones were for last night. Oh well. If you consider yourself a "young person," try the cup floating trick tomorrow and tell me how it turns out. And also where you happened to get a cup inscribed "priest." 'Cause that just sounds cool.