This Side of Lost

Can we talk about my toaster for a minute? Okay.

First of all, you should know that I think it's sentient. This will make more sense in a moment.

So it's not really mine, it was Samantha's and I inherited it. But she left it for me here and went and bought a fancy new toaster/toaster oven combo. And I think it knows that, because it's been kind of skittish ever since. How skittish, you say? Well, first I need to tell you about the settings.

So it has a lever that you can push back and forth to set the browning setting higher or lower. The only problem is that, even though technically it goes from 1-6, it really only goes between this infinitesimally small zone between 3-4. Above that zone, and the setting becomes "Blackened Beyond Recognition" and below it is "Completely Unchanged."

Now this in and of itself is not really a big deal. I generally like my english muffins moderately toasted, so I very rarely change the setting. So it should always come out the same, right?

Aaahh ha ha. How little you know. The toaster is sentient, after all, and moreover, it has a very delicate constitution. If I have been being nice to it, it will probably do what I want it to. But if I have been misusing it, unplugging it, bumping it with a frying pan, ignoring it or just generally thinking less than complimentary thoughts in its general direction, God knows what kind of state my english muffin is going to end up in. One day the result will be pleasantly toasty, and the next, I will be distracted with the cereal before the faint smell of burnt bread will whiff my way, at which point I know it's already too late, but I run to the accursed thing anyway and slap the plunger to reveal a charred mess. Did I move the setting? Of course not. What did I do today, toaster?

Basically after I came home from New York, it was impossible to live with. Like I said, I blame this on the Toastation purchase. It knows its days are numbered. I think it was going through the 5 steps of grief there for a little while -- probably anger and bargaining. So I was thinking about writing this post a few days ago. And suddenly it was much better! It knew I was going to complain about it in a public forum, so it shaped up.

But I can't be hostage to its mercurial demeanor anymore. I'm breaking the cycle. The truth must come out. You hear me, toaster? Now the world knows!

In other news:

• After griping about Christmas choral music last time, I ended up going to the Messiah Sing-along at Disney Hall and also doing some private caroling with my friend Christina and her multi-talented friends. So that mostly did the trick.
• We had a couple of snow days at work this week. No, it didn't snow -- but the entire campus shut down due to a power outage. So we were told to stay home. They didn't have to tell me twice. I slept in and got some last minute Christmas shopping done.
• Movies seen recently: the original Pink Panther (amusing in a sort of Marx Brothers fashion), Little Miss Sunshine (just wonderful, recommended to one and all), and Juno (also very good, bonus points for being set in Minnesota).

On Sunday I fly to Atlanta to meet up with Samantha and spend the holidays with her family. It'll be my first Christmas away from Minnesota, which makes me sad. But married life is full of compromises and I like this one we've got worked out so far.

A very happy holidays to the This Side of Lost readers community! May joy and peace bless your season. See you in '08.